Remember a conflict that you were involved in recently, or you are facing currently. Take 10 minutes to reflect on the following questions, take notes in a notebook or on a sheet of paper:

  1. What is the real subject of the conflict?
    It is essential to ask from time to time: “...what are we really talking about?” Take CASE STUDY 1 for example. Are we  sure that the conflict is focused around who gets the best room in the building or is the room only a pretext, and in truth a ‘power play’ between the three managers is taking place?
  2. What kind of conflict is it?
    Is the type of conflict clearly recognizable, or are there different types occurring at the same time?
  3. How important is the topic for me? How important is the relationship for me?
    From a reflection on the relative importance of the topic or the relationship, the first indications of what the most appropriate strategy to resolve the conflict emerge. For example, if the topic is much more important than the relationship, you will be more inclined to assert yourself to pursue your goal. If the relationship is more important than the topic, then you are possibly more likely to back down from your location in order to protect the relationship.
  4. What negative emotions are currently showing?
    In order to identify the level of escalation (and consequently the possible room for manoeuvre for conflict resolution) analyse what negative conflicts currently present themselves to you and your counter-party: proceed with a ‘distanced’ analysis, at the meta-level, on your emotional attitudes and those of the other counter-party.