Remember a moment when you were very susceptible and you reacted uncontrollably.

Step 1: What were your actions/words?
Example - One day one of my co-workers handed me a presentation two days late, full of spelling mistakes. As the customer was putting a lot of pressure on, when I saw this work I went crazy and started to shout that I was tired of being surrounded by morons like him in his face.


Step 2: What were your thoughts and feelings at that time?
Example - I thought: “It is impossible for a co-worker to deliver an imperfect, ‘amateur’ job. I felt angry and incredulous.


Step 3: What could the values and beliefs that generated these thoughts and feelings be?
Example - For me, perfection and punctuality are important concepts; they are the values that must be respected at all costs.


Step 4: What may have been the unmet needs or underlying fears?
Example - If the work is not perfect, and/or if it is not delivered on time, the customer may not consider us as serious professionals and could reject us as suppliers (Need for recognition, acceptance).


Other needs that may be the at the base of the ICEBERG and that drive our behaviours are:

  1. Being accepted
  2. Being loved
  3. Recognition
  4. Showing your worth
  5. Being considered
  6. Being right
  7. Order
  8. Power
  9. Safety
  10. Independence
  11. Creativity
  12. Variety